August 27, 2022

The ability to put aside what may at times seem to be chaos in life related to issues associated with the experience of disability and find happiness may seem to be unattainable; it is not. Despite the issues that you may face in relation to the particular form of disability you have, happiness in life is something that is a very real possibility. “Follow the path set by ourselves.” That’s the key idea. “Work hard and be productive. Be strong. Don’t rely on other people to achieve these goals.”

The truth is that people with disabilities can pursue the same path to individual happiness as anyone else. There are two ways to do this, I think. One, do exactly what the high achieving “path set by yourself” demands. Work your butt off. Be indefatigable. Defy expectations. Be an entrepreneur or skillful at business politics. Never slow down, minimize your need for others, and work to reach the point where you can say to yourself, “I have made it.” The other fork involves a radically different outlook. It begins with the assumption that your attitude will always trump your circumstances, however awful they may be. You can be poor, depend on government largesse, and not be conventionally ambitious, and still be happy. Some social research shows this to be true. To quote one of the leaders of the positive psychology movement, “victims of car crashes are, on the neither whole, less nor happier than lottery winners.”

When it comes to subjective well-being, we find that the persons with disabilities are more likely to lag behind in perceived physical health than in mental health and happiness. In a multivariate model relating objective participation to subjective health and happiness, correlations are much weaker than expected. It is striking to find that participation, perceived health and happiness are much less closely related than is often assumed. Their determinants differ widely in nature and strength. The empirical model leads to rejection of the hypothesis that higher participation by the persons with disabilities is associated with higher subjective well-being.

One of the perceptions that seems to make some people with disabilities unhappy is the one held by some in society that those of us who do experience forms of disabilities are somehow, ‘less than,’ or not as capable as those who are in perfect health. Like other well-off people, people with disabilities also have equal rights in all areas of life, including the pursuit of happiness, the right to be loved, to build a family. However, there are still many barriers to this right of the disabled, not only in society, even in many families who still have prejudices, discrimination, many people living with disabilities do not have enough confidence, courage to come up with the love that they choose. Our appraisal of life with impairment may have less to do with reality than with fear and ignorance and prejudice. We wrongly assume that difficulties for people result in misery for people. Human beings are capable of adapting to almost any situation, finding satisfaction in the smaller things they can achieve, and deriving happiness from their relationships with family and friends, even in the absence of other triumphs. Even to the extent that impairments do entail suffering and limitation, other factors in life can more than compensate for them.

Making the adjustment

Adjusting to life with a disability can be a difficult transition. We all tend to take our health for granted—until it’s gone. Then, it’s all too easy to obsess over what we’ve lost. But while you can’t go back in time to a healthier you or wish away your limitations, you can change the way you think about and cope with your disability. You are still in control of your life and there are many ways to improve your independence, sense of empowerment, and outlook. No matter your disability, it’s entirely possible to overcome the challenges you face and enjoy a full—and fulfilling—life.

Learn to accept your disability

  • Give yourself time to mourn
  • Don’t try to ignore or suppress your feelings
  • You’re likely to go through a roller coaster of emotions—from anger and sadness to disbelief. This is perfectly normal.
  • You don’t have to put on a happy face.
  • It may not seem like it now, but the truth is that you can build a happy, meaningful life for yourself, even if you’re never able to walk, hear, or see like you used to.
  • Focus on what you can do and what you hope to do in the future. This gives you something to look forward to.
  • Knowing what’s going on with your body and what to expect will help you prepare yourself and adjust more quickly.