August 27, 2022

Words like “I’m going crazy” or “I’m having a panic attack.” Such casual remarks seem empty to others but to those who are suffering from mental illness, it is a different matter. Serious mental illnesses often have a biological component. They are not the result of bad parenting, and they probably couldn’t have been prevented by anything that you, as a friend or family member, might have done differently. Even still, after the diagnosis it’s normal to feel a range of powerful—and often unpleasant—emotions.

As with other serious illnesses, mental illness is not your fault or that of the people around you, but widespread misunderstandings about mental illness remain. Many people don’t seek treatment or remain unaware that their symptoms could be connected to a mental health condition. People may expect a person with serious mental illness to look visibly different from others, and they may tell someone who doesn’t “look ill” to “get over it” through willpower. These misperceptions add to the challenges of living with a mental health condition. Unlike diabetes or cancer there is no medical test that can provide a diagnosis of mental illness, but getting a diagnosis is a useful step in receiving effective treatment and improving your quality of life. With early and consistent treatment, people with serious mental illnesses can manage their conditions, overcome challenges, and lead meaningful, productive lives.

How to cope when a loved one has a serious mental illness

Parents, in particular, often have to readjust their hopes or expectations for the future when their child develops a serious mental illness. In the process, you may grieve for the future you thought your child would have. These feelings, though difficult, are totally normal. Just as it’s important to maintain your own health as you care for a loved one with mental illness, it’s also important to preserve relationships with other family members, including your spouse or partner. If you have a child (whether a minor or an adult) with a serious mental illness, you may find yourself focusing less attention on your other children. Healthy siblings may feel anxiety and frustration at the extra responsibilities they are expected to take on. Try to regularly set aside a little one-on-one time with your other children. Tell them how much you appreciate their help.

Relationships can be wonderful but challenging under the best of circumstances. When one partner has a serious mental illness, the situation can become even more complex. Many times, the partner without a diagnosed disorder will assume more responsibilities, at least for the short term. For a person who is already worried about what is happening with his or her partner, having to spend more time maintaining the household or taking care of the children can be especially hard. It is important for the couple to keep in mind that most people diagnosed with a serious mental illness improve over time, and that a partner’s attitude and behavior can make an important contribution to recovery. It helps to maintain an accepting and positive attitude, while holding realistic expectations for the partner with serious mental illness. Participating in specialized family therapy for serious mental illnesses can be very useful.

There are many kinds of serious mental illnesses. Common ones include:

  • Bipolar disorder is a brain disorder that causes intense shifts in mood, energy, and activity levels. People have manic episodes in which they feel extremely happy or euphoric, and energized. Usually, they also have depressive episodes in which they feel deeply sad and have low energy.
  • Major depressive disorder (MDD) is one of the most common mental disorders. Symptoms vary from person to person, but may include sadness, hopelessness, anxiety, pessimism, irritability, worthlessness, and fatigue. These symptoms interfere with a person’s ability to work, sleep, eat, and enjoy their life.
  • Schizophrenia is a chronic and severe mental disorder that causes people to interpret reality abnormally. People may experience hallucinations, delusions, extremely disordered thinking and a reduced ability to function in their daily life.

It’s normal for the family dynamic to change when one family member is diagnosed with a serious mental illness. It will probably take some time to accept those changes and establish a new routine. It helps to remember that people with serious mental illnesses can live rich, fulfilling lives—and so can you.